Right or Left?

Lately, I have been thinking about the road map of my life...have you ever really stopped and thought about this twisty road you are traveling? Well, I have so here goes nothing...

I am not going to start at day one (that would be a little over the top even for me!) I am going to go back about two and a half years...that seems to be the point that the bottom fell out and the wave of change started for me..bear with me through this and you will see how the whole road has brought me to the crossroad I am on today.

June 2008--I am working at a drug store as an office manager. I had been working here for a little over 16 years, 40 hours a week, almost every weekend, busting my ass and feeling completely miserable. I asked myself daily if this is what I was really meant to do with my life because surely god had more plans for me than working in that store. The company I worked for had closed all the stores in the chain except the one I was working at and they have just told us that we will close our doors in August and I will be without a job. 

I was also a girl scout troop leader for my daughter's troop at this time. I was never in scouts as a child, really had no idea what the whole thing was about but I did it for her because it was important to her. I loved working with the girls in the troop. Loved being a role model for them.

By chance one day that June, I received a phone call from the staff person at the local girl scout council. We got to talking about some upcoming events and she was checking on me to see how everything was going with my troop. During this conversation, I tell her that I am going to be looking for a job, she tells me she is sorry to hear that, we say our goodbyes. About 3-4 hours pass and she calls me back and asks "Have you ever thought of working for girl scouts? Becky, you would be so good at this job! Let me send you the information." I ask.."you can get paid to be a girl scout? Sure, send me the info, what do I have to lose?!"

August 30,2008--Store closes. I don't have a job. My then husband is on my case, bugging me to start looking for something else and not keep waiting for the girl scouts to call me. I on the other hand am so certain that I am going to get this job that I refuse to look for anything. I figure that I received my severance pay along with my two weeks vacation they still owed me at my old job, I have time.

October 14, 2008--I am officially a 'professional Girl Scout' staff person!
***Two of my dearest friends enter my life at this time as well, my lifelong friends who I would have never known, as well as I do, without taking the job at girl scouts***

From October 2008 till April 2010--this is the dark and bumpy road. Almost as if the car I am driving is falling apart and the more I travel the more pieces fall off the car, you can see the blacktop passing by under you and you hope you don't scrape on it because its gonna hurt...but you know you are going to crash.

I am loving my new job, I have confidence in myself, am doing fantastic things for the thousand+ girls and adult volunteers in the area's I am managing and basically feeling like a 'rock star'...then I go home to a man that is so jealous of me he cannot stand me. I am getting accused of things I am not doing, like sneaking around and cheating on him. Daily,I am put down and belittled, unappreciated and feeling completely alone. I am told that I am too attractive, that I need to change how I dress. I hate him and I hate myself for living the lie.

April 19, 2010--I have had enough. I am done. The husband moves out.

September 2010--***By complete chance, a dear and amazing friend enters my life this month. I honestly don't know how I have lived this long without them, where have they been hiding at all these years?***

Today: January 26, 2011--Everything is falling in to place (sorry, but I can't give you the whole scoop just yet, but I will soon. Promise.) I feel like everything that I have went through over the last two and a half years is not in vain. It all has brought me to the exact place that I am right now, which is exactly where I am meant to be. So now the big question is....

I am at the end of this road, will I turn to the right or will I turn to the left?

Hope

So whats going on that is the big question, right?

Short version would be as follows: Happy, busy, kids, work, drama.

So where to start...The lawyer has been paid and I hope to have the divorce completely done in the next 4 months or less. I cannot wait to be done with it all! I still have not received one single penny of child support from the EX. He has been out living it up...new sports car, new tattoos, whatever he feels like buying. Oh, he has been working on being the super cool dad for the kids too. Buying them expensive gifts that they don't need and promising them more things on top of it. In the end they will be the ones who will be hurt the most when the money runs out. Someday, Karma is going to swing through town and smack him upside his head, knocking him on his ass. I will be watching from a distance and laughing my ass off. I get to be the non-fun parent, I have to make sure they have food, clothes, shelter and be there for them every single day. I hope that one day they will see how I did the best I could and appreciate what I did do.

I finally had to break it to the kids that we have to move...this was upsetting but not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I cannot afford to live in this 5 bedroom house anymore. I am looking at this whole experience as a new start on life. I told the kids that they need to look at it like an adventure that we are all traveling together...a new place, a fresh start, new neighbors, new friends, new bedrooms. I know that this is going to be so hard on them but I really do think I have the best kids in the world! They will make it through and we will all be happy in the end.

I am really just trying to stay positive through this whole time in my life right now. May god bless my friends that check up on me every single day to see what is going on and how I am doing. I am so blessed to have each and everyone of them in my life and don't know what I would do without them. I know I can call them to vent, laugh or cry...they are there for me no matter what!

I can honestly say that I am so happy right now it is almost scary to me...I have a new found hope in life that I never thought was possible ten months ago. I actually have hopes and goals and dreams for my future! I have been so excited by the whole idea of it lately that I am wishing it would hurry because I want to get to the good part. But, I know that all good things come to those that wait, right?

I think I have been waiting long enough. Years actually.