I have had a lot going on and really haven't had time to be working on my blog lately. Being a single mom with two jobs and two kids doesn't give you very much extra time!
I have really been working on getting my shit together. Thanks to the motivation of my sweet friend I have actually gotten more paperwork done in the last week than I have in the last 6+ months.
Now all I need is money and I could put the majority of this big mess behind me.
This whole marriage thing is really just silly when you really think about it...How can it be soooo easy to GET married? You go down to the court house, show your ID, fill in maybe two sheets of paper, pay a fee and *PRESTO*....married. To get divorced I have to fill out what seems like 100+ pieces of paper, pay a lawyer far too much money, go to court, fight with the EX and when its all said and done I get a piece of paper that will say I am no longer legally married to him. Why does it have to be so complex? I want to be able to get divorced the same way I got married..simple.
Well, I guess that is not going to happen so this will be a character building exercise for me!
This two job thing really just plain old SUCKS!! I am getting zero in the way of child support, I may never get any from him to be honest and if I do it will be a long time coming.
So, I am now really at the point of how am I going to raise these two kids all by myself? That's the first thought on my mind when I get up in the morning and the last one before (when I actually do) sleep. I really doubt that I am going to be able to keep my house at this point, which is going to be the hardest thing in the world to have to tell my kids...it breaks my heart to be honest. But, it is what it is. I cannot change it nor would I at this point. I know that I have made the right decision for myself and ultimately for my kids as well.
Someone, that I haven't seen in months, saw me yesterday and carried on and on about how fantastic I looked, how much weight I have lost, even said that I looked 10 years younger than the last time she had seen me....
Right there is the biggest sign to me of all: I am happier, I look happier, I feel happier.
I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. This Thanksgiving was without a doubt in my mind the least stressful holiday that I have had in years...which is sad really, but very true. I didn't spend my holiday walking on eggshells. I didn't have someone breathing down my back all day long, watching everything I do, being negative all day and night....sucking the life and energy right out of me.
My 91 year old grandmother spent two days with me over Thanksgiving and even she noticed how low my stress level was at the end of the day. After everyone had gone home for the evening, I looked at her said " I am usually exhausted by now but I don't feel very tired at all!" It was so nice to just sit at the table with her and chat about whatever we wanted to and not worry about someone being pissed cause we were talking to loud or bothering them. I am so grateful for that time with her on that day...who knows, she may not be here next year...
Last year it took me until about 5 days before Christmas to have my decorating done. I dragged my feet through the whole holiday. This year I am almost done decorating right now along with my shopping. I am actually looking forward to Christmas break and spending time with my kids.
I am ready to put this mess behind me...be happy...and get to the new year!
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