A certain someone has just received the best actor award. Who you may ask? I would love to reveal their name....but I can't and won't. But I will use this format to 'vent' if you will. If you like good stories, keep reading....what could have ended in a fairytale, ended in me being completely confused and pissed off to say the least. You may ask after reading this if I am heart broken...to that I would say no, just hugely disappointed....I will change that to...epic disappointment.
This story begins sometime in August. I receive a message on Face book (yes, I know the root of all evils) from a friend of a friend. The message was a bit bizarre but anyone who really knows me will tell you that 1.) I attract and appreciate the bizarre and 2.) I will give anyone the benefit of the doubt and try to see the best in people...one of my best personality traits and also my biggest flaw.
So I read this message and wonder who this stranger is, and wonder what he is thinking sending me this message. It was flattering, but I hear the same BS from guys all the time. So I ask my friend of this person, what is the deal? Who is this guy? He answers my questions and I decide to accept the friend request.
So back and forth for months...I private message, not chat, with my new friend back and forth on face book. A day comes that he can tell I am having a really bad day, he sends me a message about it asking if I am ok. In this message he puts his cell phone number and tells me if I ever want to text or chat he is there. This number sets for a few weeks in my messages...I am cautious.
Now, this guy is nine years older than me, he appears successful, confident, out going, great personality, single dad, has a love for his family and a love of life. I find him attractive and he is also three states away from me, so its not like he is going to just show up on my doorstep someday. So, one Saturday in October, I text him a joke...and it begins.
He did not call me right away...we texted. Back and forth...hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of texts. We would text during the day, sometimes all day long, sometimes late at night. One night, I am on my way home from a meeting for work and he calls me. He tells me that something I texted him made his whole day and he thanked me for being a friend...for making him laugh. This call lasted maybe 5 minutes....all I can say is this---If I thought I 'kinda' liked him before...I was really intrigued now, I wanted more.
He is not like any guy I have ever met in my life. He honestly says the sweetest words I have ever heard a man say. I have some kind of instant connection with him. I feel like I have known him forever and feel like he is the piece of my life that I have always felt like I was missing. I 'get' him--completely, and I feel like he really sees ME...he can really see who I am, past how I look, past the eyes, past all of it..I feel that even if I never meet him in real life that I am so glad to call him my friend....so glad that I met him and can't imagine not having him as a friend in my life...I think he is a beautiful person from the inside out.
So this friendship progresses. We go from an occasional call or text, to talking on the phone almost daily. He calls in the morning before I go to work to tell me to have a great day or he sends me texts in the morning telling me to get my sexy ass out of bed. He calls before dinner, after dinner, late into the evening. If he doesn't call he sends me a text almost every day...he tells me he misses me. This goes on though out November, December and January. We talk about meeting each other, our kids, our families, what we want in life, our hopes and dreams....anything that you can think of we have talked about. We watched a movie together...from 900 miles apart.
So three weeks ago this Sunday...I talk with him on the phone, very late into the evening. We are talking about the package that he had sent me and should be arriving with Mondays mail....what is in this package you ask? What I think is hands down the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me, ever....We say our long goodbyes that night..words were said that I will not type here. I am already letting you know a piece of something so private and painful to me that I cannot reveal all of it. I will tell you that when I hung up the phone that night, I fully expected to speak with him the next night, he told me we would. My heart was full of hope, full of appreciation for another human being.
I have a meeting all day on Monday that is about an hour and a half from my home. I have a presentation to give in front of some 50+ co-workers. All day long the only thing on my mind is him and what he is sending me.... a t-shirt that he has slept in so that I can sleep in it, so I can smell him. The day drags on, I feel like a kid at Christmas time and cannot wait to be home. When I get home, in the mailbox as expected is the package he had mailed. I am happy, I am glad that a man actually followed through on what he said he would do, I am in awe of him and the person that he is, in awe of his friendship. There is more in the package than just my T-shirt...sorry, but more that I will not share here either. I take a picture of myself in the T-shirt and I send it to him....thanking him and I do sleep in it for the next few nights and I am depressed when I have to wash it. I am completely swept off my feet at this point.
So days pass and I don't hear from my friend. So like all of us women do, I start making excuses for him. Oh I bet he is just busy working, busy spending time with his daughter...you ladies out there know what I am talking about, you have done it yourself. I text him or call him every few days for about the next week..I get zero response back....nothing. It is like he has fallen of the face of the earth.
So 10 days pass and still no word from him. Now I am starting to worry about him, is he ok? Is someone in his family very ill? Is he hurt? I send another text and voicemail to him that I am worried about him and could he please let me know if he is ok....nothing. So now I have to know if he is alive and well, I send our mutual friend a message to see if he knows anything about our friends well being, he knows nothing. 11 days pass-At this point I am thinking like a crazy person but I am at the point that I have to know if he is well, for my own piece of mind. 12 days pass-I try calling where he works, nothing. So as a last resort I send a message on face book to one of his family members, fearing the worst. I am so upset that my heart and my stomach hurts.
It turns out that he is alive and well......It appears as though he is ignoring me.
His family member must have gotten word to him that I was asking about him. That night he sent me some generic text that he was fine and very busy. Really? You are so busy that you couldn't respond to any of my messages? That is not even being a good friend, I expressed my worry and you couldn't find one minute in 12 days to tell me you are ok?
What in the hell went wrong? I am not even going down the 'what did I do wrong' path with myself because you know what? It is NOT me, I have no doubt about that at all! Is he scared? Was any of it real? Did I just play a part on the greatest episode of 'Punked'?
3 days ago he sent me a message out of the blue saying he was going to call me...no call was ever made and I am still in the dark. I am not going to text him back...If he has something to say to me, he needs to grow a pair and call me.
So now I am left, standing here...looking at a puzzle that is clearly missing a huge piece right in the middle. But where is it? Will I ever find it? Will I have to live the rest of my life and never know what is missing?
Will I ever get a much deserved explanation as to what in the hell happened? I really think that I am entitled to that much at this point. I feel a huge loss...a loss of a friend. I have so many questions that I feel will never be answered....
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