The right person is out there for you.....I promise!!

The right person is out there for you...I promise!!

I have heard this from at least five people in the last week...even more in the last month.

I ask myself daily if this could be true.

Most think that I have been separated for a little less than a year and I should be okay with being single and alone...I mean really that must be what I wanted when I said I wanted a divorce, right?

Truthfully, I have been alone and lonely for years. Many of you out there know exactly what I am talking about. Just because you live with, are in a relationship with someone...you can still be very lonely and alone. I have been lonely for years, not just months. I was married and starved to death for attention from another human being. This is one of the biggest reasons why I wanted out of my marriage. Why would I want to stay married to someone that could care less about you? Believe me I really did try to save my 12 year marriage for at least the last three years of it. You come to a point that you just give up when you are the only person that is making an effort.

A few months ago, my ex-husband brought over a letter that I had written to him back in May of 2008. He said he found it, he read it and wanted me to know that NOW he understood what I was saying in the letter....that he was sorry, that he wanted another chance. I took the letter from him, told him I would read it but he was not getting another chance. I told him that if he would have paid attention to what I said in the letter, if he would have appreciated me at all over the last few years...he would not be in the place he is right now. I told him that he needs to keep all of those things in mind when he has relationships in the future. Basically, I told him that if he walks away with nothing else, he now knows how to not treat another human being.

So that brings me to the point I am at right now...will someone ever really see and appreciate me. My modest self would tell you that I think I am fantastic and I could find an army of girlfriends, co-workers, family and real, as well as virtual, friends that would back me up on it.

I think that as we get older we take fewer chances in life. We all have baggage that we are carrying around and most of us find that it is easier to put up a high unclimbable wall, dig a moat and keep everyone out. That would be easier than letting someone hurt you again, right? I think that if you do that you will be lonely forever and who wants that?

Are there any 'real' people left in the world anymore? This is been on my mind too. This virtual world that we live in SUCKS. So many sit in front of their computer and become something they are not. You never know if someone is being real or not with you or what the tone really is in the things that they say to you. To those of you that are just 'virtual' friends with me..I will tell you this now, I am real and what you see and read is exactly what you get. Anyone that knows me in the real world will back me up 100%. I am an open book, I say what I think, and mean what I say. (and yes, I really am that witty in person, even more so.) Someone once told me that I am like the free court press...they are exactly right.

I could become cynical like so many others have and set myself up for a lifetime of loneliness but that is not really what I want to do. I am willing to take the risk for someone, with someone. I am willing to open myself up to them and show them who I really am with no bullshit. If I open myself up to someone and take the chance that they will break my heart, than so be it. It will teach me about myself and make me a stronger person.

I am sick of playing games with people. Men say that we woman play games..ha!! I just had the biggest game of all time played on me a month ago today. (See previous blog)

I am also sick of guys that are clearly 'not that into me.' If you like me than you had better be ready to chase my ass. If you clearly like me than you will go out of your way to spend time with me, I am not going to chase you. Now, when I say that, it does not mean that I will not make an effort on my end. It means that I am sick of wasting my time trying to make something work when clearly I am the only one that is making an effort. Relationships are about giving and taking, they are not a one way street.

So my friends tell me that I need to be patient, that I need to stop looking and that someone will find me. It's not like I have any guys beating down my door right now so I guess that is all I can do. Honestly, I think that most guys are terrified of me. Guys act shy around me and some act scared to death to even talk to me. I need a guy that is confident, charming and wants to worship the ground I walk on....and you can bet if he is ever found he won't be disappointed after he catches me either.

So, I guess in the end....I am still looking for my frog.